When you start to think about all the things you’ve done in your life, the things you’ve accomplished, it’s natural to begin to think about the things you haven’t done. The things that you wanted to do, but didn’t, for one reason or another. You begin to go deeper into what negative reasons stopped you from doing that thing. That held you back from getting what it is you wanted and in most cases, still want. I’ve made myself a victim of this in the past. I allowed my fears and judgement from others, persuade me that I didn’t really want something. When really, it’s the only thing I ever wanted. I allowed pressure and respect for others, people close to me, convince me that I didn’t really want it, when deep down I know I did and still do. I mentioned respect for others because sometimes our respect for the people we love, parents, siblings, can become twisted in what we think they would want for us. But, by using this excuse of, “my mum wants me to do something different, and I respect her enough to go for it.” We’re really disrespecting ourselves. We’re making ourselves less valuable because we are saying I respect them enough to go for their dreams but I don’t respect myself to go for mine. When I left school, I wanted to become a photographer but I was told it wasn’t a real profession. That it wouldn’t lead to a good job, with good money to allow me to have a good life. I’ve never been the type of person to put a price on happiness. A price on what a good life means. But, I allowed my dreams to be persuaded into something they were never going to be, because I respected the person telling me this. So, I went to college to study child care. One of the most in demand jobs in the entire world and I would be ‘guaranteed’ a job. ‘Guaranteed’. Like, it didn’t matter how good of a person I was, how much I’d personally gained from life. As long as I had a qualification next to my name, I was ‘guaranteed’ a job. No questions asked. But I have questions, millions of questions, just not the ones they’re interested in.
I finished college at 18, with no feeling about what I’d just accomplished because in my mind, I hadn’t accomplished a single thing. In fact, I’d gone backwards. I’d pretended to be someone and like something, that would never be a reality, or true reflection of the person I was. I worked for two years, in and out of customer service jobs, always wanting more.
When I was 20, I decided to go back to college. I decided to do the thing I always wanted to do. The passion that was always within me. The thing I was to scared to say I wanted in fear of upsetting someone I loved. But it was time for me to love myself a little bit. Time for me to be self (ish), even just for a moment. So, that’s what I did. I went back to college and studied art, design and photography. And, when I passed the course with the highest marks I possibly could have gotten, it was like, right then, I had purpose. I had a reason to be the person I had always been.
I was unhappy for a portion of my life because I allowed my respect for others, over shadow my respect for myself. I’m a different person now. I don’t respect people any less but I respect myself a hell of a lot more. Because i deserve to do the things I’ve always wanted to do. I deserve to be happy and to strive for greatness. Not your perception of greatness. But mine. The thing I’ve realised is that, what you deem as important, as a proper profession or what you need to make you happy, is different to me. That doesn’t mean, that you’re wrong or that I’m wrong. It just means we’re different. And our differences is why I’m so in love with humanity. Our differences make us who we are and instead of pushing those differences into categories of what’s right and wrong. What’s deemed to be proper or correct. We need to embrace each other, learn about each other and respect each other enough to say, I went for what I wanted and you should to. Be brave enough to stand up and say what you truly believe with love in your soul. We can all make this world a better one by loving every soul that walks it. Go for what makes you happy and encourage others to do the same.